Wednesday, 2 December 2015

Love Yourself First

“Hey, how are you doing?” is one of the most common questions we ask others or people throw at us, whether we realize it or not. Ironically not many people are genuinely interested about how you are doing, but rather it serves just as a form of formality or conversation starter.

Because we have been asked this question thousands of times, we subconsciously formed a default answer as well. “I’m fine / I’m doing great. Yourself?” becomes the default answer even when we don’t feel all that great at that point of time.

What happens when we give a genuine answer? In other word, be our true self. For instance, when I don’t feel all that blissful and positive about life or simply being dissatisfied at my workplace, I say “It is okay. I have been feeling tired at …xxx… and this boss has been squeezing me alive at work.”

Some friends may be caught by surprises for giving them unconventional responses and become empathetic at our situations, but the rest would be like “Oh snap, I wish I had never asked that question…” Have you ever been in that situation when you regretted asking your friend what is going on in his/her life? I am ashamed to say, I had.

So why should you be reading this post anyway? To be honest, no one is without one’s own problems, and we have a thousand and one decisions to make. A few decisions may put us in deep troubles, while most will help to improve our general happiness and contentment on life.

Speaking of which, behavioral economics has helped me to rationalize my decision making skills and see it from different perspectives. I strongly recommend books by Dan Ariely, a behavioral economist based in Duke University and MIT. Check him out if you like.

I am pretty sure I am not the only one who don’t feel like listening to others’ problems all the time as I have enough of my own, but most of the times I still choose to be a good friend. I still listen to others’ life situations and be empathetic. Then I realised not everyone loves himself or herself.

We, human beings, are strange creatures and sometimes we enjoy tormenting ourselves with our past experiences particularly those hurtful moments. At times we will recollect the happy moments and involuntarily smile, but when one or two particular songs come up on our Spotify playlist, painful moments immediately gush down the memory lane.

But that’s what makes us human, human. Without memories, we are just another aimless moving creatures strolling around making babies. Memories can break us, but it also possesses an immense capability and strength to mold us. Attributed to its unique mark in our life, we think and act differently. People may idolize the adage “Great minds think alike” but everyone went through different life experiences. Even great minds did, so they are not exactly identical.

Just last week alone I have heard of two cases where my friends’ boyfriends cheated on them. One was a distant story, about 2 years ago. Another one was just two weeks ago. Coincidentally, both cases occurred when their relationships turned into long distance relationships (LDR). I may never find out what was playing in the guys’ minds because of my devoid of relevant experiences, but I would never commit such shamefully distressing act.

Just because you are alone feeling lonely when you are abroad, it doesn’t give you the permission to flirt with another girl and worse still, sleep with her. Unless you don’t mind being labelled as an asshole douchebag. Even so, your act is outright despicable. 

Few weeks ago when I went to watch movie with my sister at Tropicana Mall, my sister told me there was this guy looking at her even when he was walking next to a hot girlfriend. Seriously, what’s wrong with guys? Of course I am stereotyping here, but it’s undeniable that guys are, mostly if not all, visual creatures.

So guys, when you already have a girlfriend, please treat her like a jewel because if you don’t, someone else will. Just like salt put onto a wound, it would never be the same for the girls who got cheated. They never deserved such treatment, definitely not from one of the most trusted persons they have poured out their hearts to.

Unfortunately shit happens.

There are two types of losers in a relationship:

1)  Those who don’t think they deserve someone better, and hang on to the current bad apple.
2) Those who think they are not good enough to deserve someone as excellent as [insert your dream guy/girl], and thereby not confident enough of themselves.

These two types apply to both guys and girls alike.

For the first type, of course it is difficult. It is never an easy task to save yourself, to bring yourself out of your comfort zone. Someone you have been so familiar with for the past xx months/years. But enough is enough. Love yourself. Save yourself time and energy. Get yourself out of the mess. When you sense something is not going right in your relationship and you find yourself having to struggle through days and nights worrying about it, disaster is looming.

As for the second type, you need to buck up. I’m not sure if you know this, but YOU ARE UNIQUE. The sooner you realize there is only one you in this world, the faster you will start to appreciate your self-worth. I used to be a Type II loser, until one day I realised I may not be too bad. I may not have found my soulmate yet, I know she is somewhere out there. I can only pray for her.

To my future wife / best friend / soulmate,

I know you are out there somewhere. Maybe working, or still studying. Until you walk into my life, I pray that you will always live your life joyfully and thankfully. Seek God and praise God when you are happy or even sad. If you are in a relationship right now, I pray you will find happiness and deeper meaning in the relationship. Guard your heart, love yourself first before anyone else. Everything happens for reasons, every relationship will teach you something valuable.

I pray that you will be more compassionate and empathetic towards friends and strangers, and find peace in all the little things around you. Slow down and listen to your little voice. I pray that you will be receptive of Holy Spirit’s voice, and follow Him. If you ever feel lonely and no one else understands you, please remember there is this guy right here who never ceases praying for your well being. You are never alone. But till then, please hang on tight. The storm will be over soon.

Till then, I promise you I will do my part. I will strive to improve myself in all areas, including my relationship with God, friendships with other people and family, as well as my health and finances. I am working hard now to provide a decent life for our future family. I will pass all the actuarial professional papers to further secure my career stability, at the same time not putting my savings and investments on the backseat.

I will take care of myself for you, and I hope you will take care of yourself for me too.

With all my heart and soul I love you,


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