Wednesday, 14 October 2015

Give Permissions

Allowing things to happen is easier than not allowing, saying yes is easier than saying no. Although learning to say "No" is essential and we should all learn how to say "No" as we grow up, but the opposite always happen. We often not give permission more than giving permissions. Here are a seven things we should learn how to give permissions to:

1) Give permission to LIVE

We don't give permission for ourselves to live. We get ourselves busy with works and other little things that we forget to live. How does that contradictory to living? Doesn't living sync with work and other little things in life? Not necessarily. Living doesn't only mean work although it could. Living means focusing your time and efforts on your top priorities. And your top priorities are things that will add the most values into your life and other people's life. It could be your loved ones, friends and family, your passion, your hobbies and interests outside work. All these priorities should provide us the highest values to our life, to live happily and healthily. Healthy in forms of physical, mental and spiritual.

2) Give permission to LAUGH 

This is not difficult to many people, but to some people this can be a real challenge. I can attest to this as I had spent most of my adolescent period living as a moody kid. It was a huge challenge for me as I had trouble mingling well with other kids. I used to spend most of my times eating alone, studying alone and doing everything else alone. The only time I mingled with other students was probably during class activities or sports. Even then it did not often end well.

But now I always try my best to laugh! I laugh when I am with my friends listening to their jokes and humours, laugh in the interviews, laugh when we tease each other. I learnt to love humours and mild sarcasm (all thanks to British influence haha!), and not take some things seriously when we shouldn't. It is an art on its own and I am still honing it for days to come. I have become much cheerful nowadays compared to myself in the past.

3) Give permission to LOVE

Again the difficulty of doing this varies from people to people. Some will find it easy and some will find it hard. Those who have been through broken relationships would find difficulty opening up to new potential partners, those who have been abused during childhood will find difficulty trusting others. We hold on to the past and do not give ourselves permission to fall in love again. For over 1 year I did not allow myself to fall for any girl, I guarded my heart with a virtual bulwark. It was painful and disappointing, but only if we allow ourselves to have another go, we will achieve breakthroughs.

Love can be extended to many other parties: friends and family, employers and employees, our life and business mentors. Give permission to love and genuinely care for our friends. Listen to their problems and stories. You may not need to offer solutions, but by being there physically (or virtually through instant messanging) for them is more than sufficent. You will find lifelong friends by doing so. Spend more time with family if you have your own, with your kids every night or communicate with your spouse daily. Open communication is the key to long lasting marriage and happy family.

4) Give permission to FORGIVE

It is not easy to forgive people. People have wronged us, others have accused us and brought us down. Some people have betrayed us even. Some people have talked behind our back and stabbed us from behind. For someone like me who is occasionally oblivious of people around me, it can be depressing and shocking when I eventually realise some things people have done behind me. But it does not have to be that way.

I was a victim of bullies in secondary school and to a certain extent in college times, but now I have forgiven most of the bullies. They were immature and now they are all grown-ups. If necessarily, it is also helpful to remove negative people around you. People who kept on saying negative things and discouraging you, pulling you down mentally. Forgive them for their hurtful words and actions. Let them go. You will be better off not having to think about them all the time.

5) Give permission to FORGET

Have you heard of the adage "Forgive but never forget"? But if you hold on to this adage, you will never live your life happily and peacefully. You will hold grudge towards people who have offended you in the past. People who have hurt you with their words and actions are living their life, and you are not. All because you had never given permission to yourself to forget. It is never easy to forget for some of us. But by forgetting, you will start living in the moment, not in the past. And certainly you will find joy and peace.

6) Give permission to MAKE MISTAKES

How often do we find ourselves stick to our daily routines and not trying anything new? I do. Very often. We stick to our comfort zone and strive to do everything the right way, instead of stretching ourselves beyond our limit and try new things. We are more comfortable of doing the same thing over and over again, despite not being the best. By trying new things or doing things the new unconventional way, we will make plenty of mistakes but this is not the end. We will realise areas that we can improve on and strive for perfection!

7) Give permission to BE IMPERFECT

Nobody is perfect no matter how great they look from the outside. Heroes look great from the outside but when you come near them, you get to see their weaknesses. My pastor joked about this as well. Beautiful from afar, but you will see pimples from a near distance. Allow yourself to be imperfect. Don't beat yourself and be harsh to yourself because of your imperfections. Instead, use your imperfections and turn them into strengths. You will be surprised by yourself, for what you are capable of doing.

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