Wednesday, 7 October 2015

Moving On Dream

It was some time in late March 2014.

I had been weeping and weeping, for one whole month. Even in my own quiet room, I wept into sleep for countless nights. The sense of sorrow and loss was so strong I could hardly withstand. I wish I could end my life right there and then. There was no more five-hours Skype sessions every day, no more movie nights on Friday and Saturday. My flatmates could barely hear my cry because I cried silently. We have broken up for almost two months now.

She was my first girlfriend.

For some reasons we decided to put an end into this long distance relationship. I never really blamed her because of her indecisiveness, but the feeling of loss was real. I was upset and disappointed. Whenever Awaken the Dawn by Stanton Lanier was being played on Spotify, my tears rolled down involuntarily. Yet I loved replaying the song. I did not want to move on. I was living in the past. The two months of sweetness and love. I drifted far away from God. Whatever He was trying to tell me, I was oblivious. I was numb and deaf.

Until that one day on Sunday, when the chairperson serving that day announced the upcoming my church's Weekend Getaway, I pondered hard if I should attend the Getaway. I knew if I attended the Getaway, God would definitely grab the chance to steer me back to Him. As irresistable as it seemed, I almost missed the Getaway. I did not want to go, but... the thought of my pillars of strength (the senior pastors) would all be present pulled me towards the Getaway. And so I went. Yet I was quiet and reserved, not making much conversations for reasons you have known by now.

The Weekend Getaway passed by quickly, but right after the Getaway, I decided to pop by my church's hub (hangout space) at Camden to talk about my story. I decided to share with Pastor Kenneth, Pastor Sandra and Pastor Dave (with Kat his wife) what I have gone through for the past two months. Two months of relationship took me another two months to finally share the memories of pain out. They listened attentively and being very sympathetic with my situation. Pastor Kenneth decided to give me some advices and prayed for me before I went back home.

As I walked back home, I could feel the ten tonne burden had been lifted off my shoulder. The next one week after my sharing was completely different. I would have a series of dreams coming my way, many of them were at that time radical, some even ridiculous. I dreamed of my flatmate getting saved by Jesus, when she was at that time a smoker. But this one dream struck me the most! It was her. I dreamed of her in my dream! This dream was so vivid and I can still remember it now. It went like this:

It was a presentation day and I was sitting at the back. She was the presenter, presenting to some people about this project she was working on. And something irregular and embarrasing happened. I volunteered myself forward and helped her to correct the problems. Just when I had eventually solved the issues, I heard a very loud bell sound resembling the sound of the end of a tournament at a boxing arena, "Ding Ding!" I woke up from my dream, but I did not want to. What does that bell sound represent? I decided to go back to sleep, in my subsconscious mind I was praying hard.

Miracle happened. The mist started to clear up on its own. God revealed to me what every single detail of my dream meant. When a problem arose, I went forward to help. It meant I initiated this move of starting the relationship with a good intention. But things went wrong and I got swayed from my initial purpose. And that was when the loud bell sound represents the end of this chapter. God wanted me to close this chapter of my life, and move on. Slowly I opened my eyes, still lying on my bed reflecting what had just happened. I woke up being amazed by this revelation given.

I wept again. But this time it wasn't the tears of sorrow and sadness, but the tears of joy. By myself I could not have thought of all these, because I did not want to move on. But God insisted me to move on by granting me this dream. I started to become more thankful and happy each day. If you ask me now, 18 months later, if  I would have done something different, my answer is no. What has happened has happened, and it has happened for a reason. But I wish her good luck. I wanted the best for her, and I still do.

You see, God never wanted us to dwell in the past for long, no matter how much happy memories the past hold. Past shall remain as the past, and we ought to live in the moment. Dwelling in the past would only make us short of joy and blessings coming our way. I hope you will be able to drop your past bondages too, and live your life to the fullest today. Open yourself to good things and good things will happen to you, simply because the law of attraction is real. Happy day!

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