The Utimate Key to Handle People

Handling people is never easy. Because of mismanagement or rather lack of the ability to properly manage people, businesses go tumbling and talents move to the rivals. It all comes from the top to bottom. If only every boss knows this key, no employee working under him/her will ever complain again. Not a single successful CEO can retain his/her top position without mastering this key.

Firstly, what makes me qualify to talk about this? I am not a boss after all and I definitely have no practical experience to handle people, I just started working two months ago. But I have an indirect mentor. This mentor is called book. That's why when you read a book, you start to think in the author's mind. You have an uncanny ability to delve into the author's perception and knowledge. It is like a superpower I strongly encourage you to leverage on. Highly accessable. 

Few days ago I started reading "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Cargenie. A very bold title but I knew right from the beginning it would change my life. It certainly did changed Warren Buffett's life. From the introduction, Cargenie promised you will take away at least one valuable lesson just by reading the first three chapters, else you may drop the book. It certainly did not take three chapters to teach me one fundamental principle. 

'He who can do this has the whole world with him. He who cannot walks a lonely way.' 

Do what? Handle people. Difficult people. Toxic people. Any kind of people you can think of. If you can do this, you are a champion. Now, nobody in this world does what one is doing without wanting to do it. Everybody does something that he/she wants, even when you were a baby. You want to get attention from your papa and mama and make them proud. You want to. Nobody is pointing a gun on your head and force you to do what you do (at least not on a daily basis). 

Even if you are being generous and have been giving your time/effort/money to others, you do it for a purpose of feeling good, or because you love and/or care for the person. And you WANT to do it. You want to give your time, and your life to the person. Animals also act the same way. Cows stay on the grass field because they want to. There's almost no way you can lure them over forcefully when their food is right in front of them. But so often, people act in the exact opposite way. Everyone is born selfish, regardless whether you realise it or not. We tend to focus on what we want, not what other people want. 

Now, nobody likes to be told what to do. Personally I don't. Nobody cares about your success and what your company wants, regardless how much you boast about it. Seriously nobody gives a damn if you want something, everyone has enough problems of their own to take care of. When you instruct someone to do something, there are two possible reactions to your instruction depending on the way you convey your message. 

Say your son is about to enter kindergarten but he is afraid of going. There are two actions you can deploy, but with very different outcomes. You can either force him to go and say he has got no other choice, which will definitely work but it will result on him not having the best frame of mind to start his kindergarten; or you can do something different that will arouse his desire to start his kindergarten. 

You can come out with something fun kids do these days in kindergarten and allure him but in order to join the fun, he has to go to the kindergarten happily. He will eventually get to understand how much fun kindergarten really is, with lots of singing and new kids to play with, even before starting his kindergarten. He will be more than happy to oblige because he wants to have the same kind of fun. Win-win situation. 

Yesterday, one of my friends asked me how to apply for jobs. He is currently preparing for CFA Level 1 paper, but he has almost zero knowledge on how to apply for a job. He did not know to get into his dream job at Morgan Stanley, he will need to apply for their job openings and even then there is no guarantee he will receive the job because ultimately it is up to the employer to give him the lucrative offer. So what is the best way to apply for your dream job? 

You can either boast of how good you are at what you are doing and how much salary you want, or you can write a letter to the CEO on how you can be of benefits to him and his corporation should you become part of his arsenal of talents at his disposal. You will most likely get a reply from the CEO and get called up for an interview, rather than your letter being thrown into a trash basket because he is too busy with finalising his company's annual report he can't be bothered of what you want. 

Or maybe you are a salesperson, and you have this new product to be introduced to your existing client. You know this new product will definitely benefit him but you still don't have the full brochure on the description of this product because it is still fresh from the oven. The senior management has just approved it yesterday and it is going to be launched later this evening. 

You have two choices: One is to briefly notify your client on the new product and wait until you get the brochure then only start approaching him to sell him this product; Alternatively, you can be very enthusiastic about it and excitedly tell him about this product and arrange immediately a meeting later when you get the brochure, saying he is the first client you can think of when it comes to this new product because it will surely benefit him. 

What do you think the outcome will be? You're right, the latter choice will most likely to seal the deal than the prior, simply because it aroused in the other person an eager want. He wants to know more about the product! He got curious on what the product is and how it can benefit him in the long run. Both of you win in this case. 

Owen D. Young, a great American business leader once said: "People who can put themselves in the place of other people, who can understand the workings of their minds, need never worry about what the future has in store for them." 

So here it is, the ultimate key to handle people: Arouse in the other person an eager want.