Friday, 16 March 2012

Ignorance! =(

Wooohooo it's me again! This week passed rather fast but as time passes, I just get more nervous and emotionally drained. Trial exam is approaching in less than 2 weeks now, and for this whole week I've been trying hard to fully utilise my time at night, spared for revision and study. I've tried out a few Physics past year and one inference that I could derive from it was that I understand nothing much about Physics.

I will get stuck whenever I face questions demanding graphs and explanations. I got really worried about it cause I shouldn't be ending up like this as I expected something better than this. Again, I gave too high of expecation to myself and eventually got upset about it. My friends told me that what matters the most in Physics are the formulae and understanding. Fully utilise the power of formulae and you shall never go wrong in your graphs sketching. For explanation, you must understand the particular concept to give a good explanation.

I only studied Physics on Monday and Tuesday nights. On Wednesday night, I had to study for Statistics as there was a Statistics test yesterday on negative exponential distribution, geometric distribution, sampling & estimation and hypothesis testing. It was on Wednesday and if you know me well, it's one of the three days that I would go to gym in the evening. I came back early that day and went to gym at 4pm, afterwhich I came back and had a nice sleep until 7pm. When I woke up and about to start studying for my Statistics test, I couldn't find my calculator and there I went panic! Just can't imagine I will lost my calculator just on the day before my Statistics test! Ironically one of a few areas that require much usage of calculator.

I eventually borrowed a calculator (although it was merely 570MS (not ES), and it was frustrating!) from my housemate and I proceed with my revision. I studied for 4 hours that night until 11 something, before I was comfortable with my level of understanding on those topics covered. But there was one thing that I forsaken for a moment - prayer. The next morning I was in CF prayer meeting and although I was praying for myself to rely more on God's ability and less of mine, I never actually practiced it.

The fact that I've got full mark for my first Statistics test (on sampling & estimation and hypothesis testing) when I first joined the new class in my second week, have put me in such a high expectation that I could not afford to disappoint my lecturer. Sense of confidence and proudness eventually creeped in and took over me, for I no longer seek God at that particular moment during my test. I even talked to my classmate sitting opposite of me during test. Now is that even considered a test?

Self-reliance was so overwhelming and I succumbed to it. I trusted myself too much. First question was about hypothesis testing, two-sampled test to be exact. I did the entire question by using paired sample t-test for I somehow thought the two sets of data were related when in fact they were actually not. Variance was wrong, and of course critical value was also wrong. When I was doing halfway through the question, I read the last line of the question on both datas having EQUAL variance. I stopped for a moment and suspected I was wrong. I then asked my friends around me whether it's paired sample or two-sample test. They said, paired.

I was reassured and I continued with my working. After the exam, I realised I was completely wrong and there goes my 10 marks (out of 30-40 I think). Can you see something out of this 'tragedy'? I did not blame my friends for misleading me, but I'm blaming myself. Should I believe in my so called 'intuition', I would have changed the fate of the entire test. Should I be more honest, I would have done better. Should I emphasize the greatest reliance on God, He would have helped me to avoid such stupidity. Despite my ignorance, God is a faithful God, and He is always good. He actually for once hinted me that I did wrongly for my first question, although eventually me being taken over by utter ignorance. I'm sorry Lord, I'm sorry. =(

4 hours of preparation, in my opinion, did not go in vain nevertheless. The primary objective of this test is to get us started to revise for the upcoming trial exam and of course final exam in around 2 months time. This test has also taught me a very important lesson: For whatever we do, we MUST rely on God's strength and not on ours. God is greater than all things and nothing is even close to high difficulty level, for Him. I've been relying on my own ability so far, and I believe it's time for Him to take over me completely.

For men can go further with his dreams and abilities, but only by having ultimate reliance and faith on God's power, men can go furthest far beyond his expectations and dreams. 

Just came back from Homes a.k.a the greatest place on Earth on Friday night!!! Act Church's annual prayer and fasting event is starting tomorrow (17/3/12) spanning 3 weeks! Prayer and fast is set:

1) to pray & worship God and read God's word
2) to create a closer bond or even reconcile with God, to achieve breakthrough in your life through the work of Holy Spirit
3) to ask for God's protection.

I've personally commited myself to fast for all 21 days, with either partial fast or one-meal fast depending on my commitment. One-meal fast doesn't seem stranger to me cause I eat very little for my dinner almost all the time, while of course partial fast would be quite challenging for me. My personal breakthrough would be my family's salvation, and of course my reliance of God's ability in various circumstances in my life. I realised that although I only have around 1 week plus before Trial exam and thus being so worried about it, God will make His way to help me. God doesn't want His faithful children to fail, and that includes me! God wants us to be successful, and with those success we shall glorify His name! =)

p/s: Oh by the way, my calculator is back!!! Praise the Lord! He heard my prayer and responded to it! =)) On the side note, my understanding of Physics is getting better now. Praise the Lord! Going to study Economics the whole day tomorrow, before starting with Physics again on Sunday and the next 3 days after. I shall drill myself really hard on this period of time in God's presence! Everything is possible. =) Amen.

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