Valorous Halcyon

Since yesterday, my mom got excited with the visit from some group of people i heard as her friends and relatives. So as i saw my mom talking on the phone happily this morning, my curiosity aroused with those people and hence i asked my mom after she stop talking with her friends. My mom said, "Later your cousins and my colleagues would come to our house for a visit as for the substitution for the Chinese New Year." So, i knew that finally and got myself prepared for everything. My mom and my aunt from Kuala Kangsar went to the market this morning to buy all the foods and stuffs needed for the gathering just now, and time really flew at a fast pace, without noticing much, my mom's colleagues have arrived at my house and the ladies started to give my mom a hand on preparing for the dinner. Not long after, my cousins from Bukit Mertajam arrived as well and as usual, some ladies went into the kitchen to give their hands. There were quite a number of people inside this hous...

For a few days, Recom seemed to be pulled down due to some servers' traffic congestion. If I'm not mistaken, since the last 4 days, Recom encountered this problem and couldn't surfed by anyone, including me and my Recom's  friends. Since i have been quite active there for these few months, i started to feel empty without logging in into Recom for just a few days. In fact, it started last week where the screen appeared as "The user account has been terminated." Every kind of thoughts trickled out my mind, saying that maybe the website has been hijacked by spammers or something else with the similar capability, or maybe the website encountered some crash down at the domain. Even funnier post have been posted by one of my friends in the House of Spammers(HOS), saying that she thought that she has been hated by the moderators. It was just so hilarious and none of the other posts can beat her post. =)) Hmm, just hoped that Recom can be recovered soon and fill my pr...

After getting a few pals' advices, finally i realized, nothing in this spiteful world is worthwhile for me to scattered my hopes and heart. Sometimes, things doesn't go on like our anticipation, and we must always learn how to be strong and tough. Sometimes, we should just stand up again after fell down, cry out loud and let something go. Sometimes, we should always being considerate to others, especially when things come to a halt. We should not be self-centered and unable to think about others. After few days of being sad, i decided to stop all this sorrow and let time to decide our destiny. Maybe the relationship will be fruitful, or maybe the relationship would not have a happy ending. I wholly understood your decision and reasons of doing so. Whatever our fate is, i just wish to sincerely apologize to you. I'm sorry, Nodame. =)

Tears is the most precious liquid ever flow out from a girl's eyes, and yesterday night is the first time she cry out, for me and in front of me. I'm really sorry, i didn't meant to hurt her and i hoped i didn't. From now on, i swear that i won't bother her anymore, and she would no need to offline to fix everything back to normal now. I just want her to live happily, and she would no need to care about my feeling, whether I am sad or happy. I know i'm not worth it for you to cry about. My heart is brittle and scattered now, and i don't think anyone else has the glue for me. I just need to be alone, until the glue for my dispersed heart appears from her. I won't find anyone else, and i will still wait for her even until i succeed in my own career. =(

She glued my heart and gave me hopes, but now, she smashed it again, and i don't know why. She just can't get rid of her phobia of past history and give me a chance of starting a new relationship. She said that i need to wait for a very very long time, maybe years, just to wait for her answer, and now i afraid that i'd don't have enough confidence, braveness and capability for me to wait for such a long time. I thought that i have the glue that can be used to heal her scattered heart, but then i was wrong. I hoped that i do have, and i know that i have. But she still doubt of the toughness and strength of my glue, which i think my glue would be strong enough to stick her scattered heart, albeit it might be imperfect and leave scars. I know that our relationship might not have a happy ending, but i will try my very best to secure it, from any obstacle that might be faced. Yes, everything is uncertainty and have a risk to happen, but i strongly believed that the risk can ...

25 February 2010,  a very significant date to all the Form 6 2009 students as the main STPM results are being announced today at every school that offers Form 6 classes. New top students from the exam'd be unearthed today and tomorrow to the whole nation of Malaysia, and i really hoped that no matter how was the result for every candidate, they can succeed in their future endeavor. Now i'm wondering how was the result of Johnivan, an unlucky Recommer who is an orphan since he was 9 years old. Hmm, surely he'd get stupendous result in it, hope so. =) From Ke Yang's blog, a news that would wreck every SPM 2009's candidates' nerves spread from his school, saying that SPM 2009 result would be announced on 11 March 2009. It is proven when his school received a letter from the National Education Department about the announcement date. However, a question kept on tricking out from my mind, which is, how about the PLKN peers? Is that meant that they would receive thei...

Time. That's the only thing i need to give her now, give her enough time to clear her phobia over the past history. I'm really glad that she didn't mean to hurt my heart nor intendedly did so, and in fact i can feel her "rose" too, if you know what did i meant. The only fundamental thing now is time, so lets all be decided by time. How did i proved my statement? Just now she sent me two songs by Mariah Carey, which were "Through The Rain" and "Thank God I Found You", and from the two songs, i can feel her "rose". Thanks a lot for trusting me, and i believed that i'd have enough patience and time in waiting for her decision. I'd give her time as long as possible, and i hoped that it would be worthwhile in the end. =) 

Sad. It's the only word that embraces me now. I started to feel that i can't succeed in everything i do including relationship. I'm just feeling sad that she knew it and intendedly hurt me. I wish to hate her, but i can't. I just can't do it. She was a special person for me, and she was different from others that i knew. She was the first person who gave me roses, even though they were counterfeit one. But still, i hoped that when she's ready to have any relationship, i'd be available for her. Hoped that my feeling won't be faded with time. =)

The person i have waited for such a long time, didn't seemed to realize anything about my feeling to her. I know i have made a wrong choice, wrong in getting interested in her. For a couple of times, she hurt me with her words either accidentally or maybe intendedly, i don't know. Every time after she realized that i was sad, she'd try her very best to console me and not to make me sad. However, every time due to my soft heart, i'd just forgive her and pretend that nothing has just happened. I know, she don't want to have any relationship for now due to her past history, but i just made a wrong choice. I just feeling peculiar as i have gave her a lot of hints on my feeling, yet she still didn't realized it, maybe she was heartless, or maybe she knew about it and acted to know nothing. I just don't really know about it. Maybe, i should just give up on this. I just don't know. For me, love is about caring about somebody and wanting the person to live happi...

This morning, before going for the car driving lesson, i opened up Youtube again and started my maths lesson once again. Today, i started to learn the topics of Polynomials, which is the second chapter of the Maths T Form 6 STPM. I found it quite easy and fun, where the x has a larger power which are 3, 4, 5,.... and even 8. I just learnt about addition and subtraction as well as the long division of Polynomials. However, when i studied about the topic of Partial Fraction in Polynomials, i found it quite difficult to understand at first, but as i proceed the learning lesson, and stop for a while for thoughts, finally i understood about it. Great lesson though! ^_^ Oh, i have also learnt Probability Density Function just now and found it almost the same as the graph of Normal Distribution, so it was quite easy too. Hope that i was not wrongly interpreted it, feel free to correct me if i was wrong. Besides, i tried to study Correlation and Regression from the last chapter of Further Ma...

Oh My Gosh, the first car driving lesson was a catastrophe!!! I straight away learnt it right after the instructor reached in front of my house, and it was the first time i put on the first gear with a full press on the clutch pedal. The engine didn't stopped luckily and i was glad that the car move smoothly when i press some power pedal for the very first time. However, while drove down the slope near my house, something wrong happened. I brake too much and the car went to a sudden stop with the engine dead. I just can't get used to the three main pedals and confused with it for the very first time. Now, finally i understood what is the feeling when my friends said that they confused with the position of three pedals, plus, my house don't have any manual gear car. So, it's normal if i can't get used to it for the very first time.  Then, without forgetting the signal light, i turned to the direction where the instructor said, and all of these happened on the road....

Tonight, unaware for the reasons of why i was feeling this, I was so lonely, alone, without any special entertainment that attracts me much. I really wish to have a special person to chat with right now. =)

Yes!!!! EEeeeeee harrrrr~ Finally i'm going to learn my very very first car driving lesson that i have been dreamed for months, or maybe years. So excited to the extent until i can't express it in words. I love driving, albeit i still don't know ways to drive practically, but for the theories, i have even knew the ways to drifting. Hor hor.. just kidding la... but i really wished to learn drifting in future, practically, and not merely by theories. Hope that i can enjoy my very first and sweet car driving lesson tomorrow!!! ^_^

My sister asked questions about Chemistry and i don't know how to answer the questions!!! Oh My God, what should i do to relearn the topics i have learnt in secondary years? Thanks God, i still know a little bit of it and after relearned it, i was able to answer the questions. This's the quote i have learnt today, which is: "Life is about unlearn, relearn and continue to learn."      Raymond Lai, Ex-President of Actuarial Society of Malaysia(ASM) 

Just now, while i was being sad due to her, after a long time, the condition changed, and she suddenly became emo and refused to talk to me. Even though i have tried hard to apologize to her, she still didn't reply any message and i have almost out of ideas to persuade her, so i decided to go took a nap. When i woke up just now, she was online still and so i try my luck once again. After 15 minutes, this is the message she sent to me(as below) and finally, she forgave me. Sorry because of i was being emo to you, and i promised i'd never be like that to you anymore. Thanks for forgiving me anyway. =) when air gets thinner life gets harder. sometimes we just get mad over a little thing. and i'm not that cool. i'm sorry. i don't want u to be alone. lonely. bcoz. i'm here. thnx for those roses that u gave to me. that whispered sorry. i kinda emo just now.sorry. let's get over it. case's closed.

So boring for these few weeks and have plenty of time to kill, I opened up Youtube and started to learn college maths. 4 days ago, i just learnt complex numbers (addition, subtraction, multiplication and division) and it was quite simple and fun. The only key for this is square root -1 = i, and i square = -1, that's all. The others are just the simple maths I have learnt in my secondary school.  2 days ago, I started to learn the basic formula of Poisson Distribution and the ways to use the formula in solving maths problems. It is almost the same as the Binomial Distribution, but the probability calculated by using Poisson Distribution'd be more roughly than by using the Binomial Distribution. The formula of Poisson Distribution is as below: Wondering what to learn next... hmmm... =) 

For these few days, a lot of rumors about the SPM result releasing date being transferred from ear to ear by using advanced gadgets such as hand phone and internet. Most of them mentioned about February 29 would be the date where all the results being sent to the Jabatan Pendidikan Negara(JPN), whilst March 16 would be the date where the actual SPM result being announced. Some of the rumors even said about the result'd be announced in end of February, but i don't think it is true because the PLKN peers still haven't completed the training. A very good example can be seen in the year 2003, where the first badge of PLKN trainees received their SPM result in the camp, and since that year onward, SPM results being released few days after the PLKN trainees completed their training, and i don't think this year'd be an exception year. Actually, deep inside my heart, i don't really mind the date of the result being released as i know, everything has been set since the v...

Well bloggers, I should have posted this long ago but due to my laziness and being creative of finding futile excuses, I didn't do so. But after thinking all over it again, i decided to post this for one of my friends who was very unlucky in his life. I just almost can't imagine how he got the power and strength to bear and suffer all this. He was one of the Recommers who have just done his F6 STPM and going to receive his result soon. I just can't imagine how he touched my "cruel" heart with a single video, and you should believe this, I cried when i was watching this video. I started to learn appreciation where before this was a stranger term to me. I started to appreciate everything i have now, including my friends, life, computer, and most importantly, my dearest parents. I know in the previous post, i had being emo for quite a time with my parents and i know i shouldn't, after watching this. Anyway, I'm glad that he's now one of the top studen...

    I know I should have posted this 2 days ago, but due to my tiredness and laziness that overwhelming me so much that day, I didn't update anything about my whole voyage of Chinese New Year. Since I went back to my hometown in Penang for Chinese New Year last Sunday until I came back to my sweet lovely home, I was prohibited from online as there was no Internet connection in my hometown in Balik Pulau, Penang, and as you might have predicted, I was totally tormented in realm of boringness for these few days. The good thing is, I got a lot of ang pow this year albeit it is less than the previous years and that totally cheers me up.     From the radio and television program, i heard that those who born in Monkey years'd have less luck in almost everything this year and the most unlucky Chinese zodiac for this Tiger year is the Monkey. Maybe due to that unproven statement, believe it or not, I have vomited twice at the first night of Chinese New Year in my...

An hour more before Chinese New Year 2010!!! ^_^  Wow, i'm really excited in awaiting for this year Chinese New Year. This year is my turning point year, where my major school life'd be changing gradually from the secondary high school into college or you may say as Pre-University life. For this year, i have to make a significant decision for my life changing path, whether to choose UPU, matriculation or Form 6 STPM. For me, i have applied for matriculation in my school last year with my teacher's help and paid for application of UPU. Now, i'm trapped between UPU, matriculation and Form 6 as my sister that was just came back from UTM said i can only choose one of them and i'd not be able to get three places concurrently. For UPU, i can only choose diploma in engineering courses, computer science, technology management and some other diploma courses that i don't really interested in. My parents don't allow me to take computer science as too many...

Well, i know it not supposed for me to be sad at this time. Everyone is so happy waiting for the time to fly, as the Chinese New Year 2010 is just around the corner (1 day 5 hours and 48 minutes at the time i calculated this). However, there's always uncertainties for me to be sad, and it seems to be engraved at my heart this time. Ke Yang, you have asked me before in my previous post for the reason i am so sensitive about some certain jokes and now i decided to tell you and all other bloggers about it. Well, how should i start it??? Alright, everything got started with my parents. I believe, no matter how friendly a person to their peers, sometimes he/she'd have some difficult time with his/her parents due to the differences in their ideas, opinions, perspectives and also generation gap thinking. Exactly the same thing happened to me and i just can't resist it. Plus, my parents are just not like those ordinary parents. Almost everyday since the day i was born, my parents s...

Boring, boring and boring. Nothing seemed to erase this feeling from my heart for these few days and the only remedy for me was to online everyday and from there, my network friends started to play their role as my source of entertainment and answers to all my questions. I really appreciate it and thanks in advance. As i was chatting with a friend this morning, due to some jokes she made that i couldn't accept and i don't know why, unreasonably i became partially mad and sad. When she realized it, she apologized to me and kept on consoling me. As the aftermath, the potion of madness abruptly disappeared and the sense of sadness totally overwhelmed me by that time. Well, i have some personal problems that i can't share it here and due to it, my heart was rather delicate and I'd get sad very easily by certain unaccepted jokes. No matter how hard she was trying to console me, i still can't escaped from the unforgivable sadness and she just gave up(I thought) and out fr...

    Well, everything seems to be out of my way now and i don't think i have much choices due to the aftermath of the scholarships' result. Apparently, i failed to secure any scholarship that i have applied by using my trial result, which are Bank Negara Scholarship, Khazanah Global Scholarship and Yayasan Sime Darby. For the YSD, i have not even being called up for the interview, maybe due to my chosen course that i have wrote in the essay about my career aspiration. I should have choose the course offered by the YSD and that should increase my chances to be called up for interview. Anyway, I have to congratulate my fellow Recomer "slappyfin3" as he have successfully secured the YSD scholarship and would be doing chemical engineering in the United States. For the Khazanah Global Scholarship, fortunately i have been called up for the stage 1 interview and i did realized that my chances of securing it is almost zilch as Khazanah would only sponsor around 10 candidates i...